I've eluded to the physical "challenges" I deal with from time to time. It's awkward for me to sum up in a nutshell what goes on inside my body. I'm barely able to grasp a concise understanding of how each thing relates to the others, myself. Also, I feel like a huge baby to use "challenge" as a way to describe my illness, when so many people I know and love could use the word with bold print and all caps. Regardless of all that, the physical stuff I fight from time to time taps into one of my biggest fears.
Six years ago it started. It was subtle and easily ignored at first. Nearly a year passed with me feeling like I was running on fumes. Insomnia was my best friend. I was a mother of a preschooler and two primary grade students, a day care provider for twin infants and a toddler, a women's bible study host/leader, singer at church... the list goes on. Being tired made sense.
Then stuff started getting weird. My fingers and hands started tingling and going numb. I felt what I thought was my long hair tickling up and down my arms, but there were never any hairs to remove. Simple tasks like taking my son to school would require me to pull over some days because my arms were too weak to hold the steering wheel. My muscles and joints ached relentlessly.
One Sunday, in front of a few hundred people, I passed out while I was singing at church. I knew I was going to fall. so I laid myself down for less drama. However, it's hard to escape notice while on a stage holding a microphone. There was a doctor there that day, that wouldn't let me blow it off. Something was really wrong. I was diagnosed with low blood pressure, but it was only low sometimes, not often enough to medicate. That only explained the passing out. I was told to eat salt whenever I felt like that again. A handful of salt got me out of a more than one situation after that...
As for the other symptoms, I was referred to a family doctor. Although a blood test showed a slightly hyper thyroid, she didn't feel it was all that concerning. Ultimately, after a few months, I was told I must be hypochondriac. I went home frustrated and foolish feeling. I must be the biggest wimp.
Then, my face went numb for a day or two and other, somewhat embarrassing, stuff started happening. In addition, I had a racing heart, migraines.... the list grew. I switched doctors. By now I had been feeling like dirt, off and on, for nearly a year and a half. The new doctor was afraid of MS (multiple sclerosis). MRIs were ordered of my brain. Brain scans didn't show scarring. She told me that scarring can take years to show up on the brain from the onset of symptoms. She suggested that we do MRIs every six months to a year to keep an eye on it. She would not diagnose me with MS, but she would not rule it out.
Still, she was not satisfied with having no real answers, so she kept looking. I think I left half my body weight in blood vials in Alaska. She ran test after test. Yes, my thyroid was a mess: Hyper, then Hypo... I was sent to an endocrinologist. He was reluctant to do anything about it. "I'd have to kill it to solve it, Collene." Sometimes it read normal and the swings either direction of normal were not drastic enough to permanently kill my thyroid. I'd have to balance medication and test constantly to feel normal. With my hormones all screwy, I was exhausted, afraid of the unknowns, and embarrassed about it all... now I had other worries... Ultimately those worries were alleviated with a hysterectomy. Now there was a weird grief to deal with. I wasn't ready for that. I grieved and admittedly, I still do at times.
At the very end, there was a diagnosis that made sense: Chronic Epstein-Barr Virus. The virus itself is common and for the vast majority of people it isn't a big deal. In some cases, like mine, it causes mononucleosis. EBV is linked to thyroid disorders, MS (as well as other auto-immune disorders) and certain cancers. It taxes the liver/immune system and can have a neurological impact.
Thankfully, my doctor had provided information, medications, mineral support formulas and a dietary plan to boost energy and immunity, in the weeks prior to the diagnosis. The virus was already losing the battle. Although the surgery took me out longer than expected, within eight or nine months of my hysterectomy I was feeling almost like me again!
It's hard to know what came first back then. One illness can trigger another. Stress and diet play an obvious role. These days, it seems, I'm gearing up for round two. This time, I'm no rookie...
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