School's in Session

Hi friends! Sorry for the six-ish months' absence. I had hoped to spend more time blogging this year, but my real-life-educational opportunities have taken me away from the phone, television, and computer and into my bible in a brand new way.

One of the exciting and terrifying things about coming to understand this business of following and knowing the God of The Bible, and to develop real intimacy with Christ, is that he gets to choose what he teaches first- and to what extent he tests the lessons. Additionally, the future purpose of the individual lessons don't always take shape during the training. But now... I have finally been given the green light to share with you all a teensy window into my process- not because you need it, but because I do.

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Last fall I was encouraged by a friend to read The Bible, in its entirety, chronologically. Since the whole deal isn't put together that way, my friend wrote out the chronology of it and told me to take my time, write notes and questions and, above all, don't give up when things get hard. So I started. Then I did. (Give up that is.)

I wasn't disciplined enough to go at my own pace and get anywhere fast, so I researched a printable "map" to help me navigate my endeavor and started again, January 1, 2018. This time, following the "rules" of a daily reading plan, I will get to the last sentence on the last day of this year. Now I'm a solid five months in and there are at least 12 inescapable themes emerging in my "syllabus". Oh, and there've been tests. Because most of the themes intertwine and I'm not sure which came first, I've listed the "easier" half first and the more difficult ones last. Here's the first half of my top 12:

12- Righteousness
11- Stronghold (Shelter, Defender, Dwelling)
10- Blessings and Curses
9- Fear
8- Cry
7- Corporate Repentance

Because these one dozen concepts as individual ideas have depth enough for a book of their own, I'll give you a very brief overview of the first six tonight and finish my processing of the others later. Meander with me, will you?!

12- Righteousness

No, not "right", righteousness. I've always been fairly intuitive and somewhat insightful. My first husband told me (well after our divorce was final and we were both remarried, mind you) that one of the most frustrating things about me was this:

"Everything you say is true Collene. You were basically always right about what you saw in me, but the problem is you didn't need to be the one to say it. Sometimes I just needed to figure it out for myself."

What a valuable statement, right?! And so true! When he said it, it was balm to my soul because it resonates with me. I had no need to fight it, or defend it. Quite frankly, he knows me better than anyone and I trusted his words and the way he delivered them. Ugh, had he had the courage to tell me 21 years ago how might my life-lessons have been less painful?

Proverbs 27:6 tells us "Faithful are the wounds of a friend". In my 41st year of life I have determined that my most trusted and valued friends wound me (gently) with truth. As a side note, because of the not-so-gentle woundings I've already received for four decades, I do occasionally react poorly to truth without love or false accusations, however I'm digressing and that's for another time.

The Lord has impressed upon me these lessons from his interactions with his people in both the Old and New Testaments: He was always "right", as in "correct", but his righteousness requires a supernatural response that sometimes causes him to be silent and still and at other times causes him to boldly speak up or act. "Righteousness" is deeper than "right". It's a conviction on a moral level that does not require explanation and is its own defense, that requires no further argument. I'm still getting that wrong some days, but SEEING it makes all the difference. I'll move on with the transparency that I am possibly a little behind the class on this one.

11- Stronghold (Shelter, Defender, Dwelling)

This family of words is mashed together although the words aren't completely interchangeable at a glance. Stronghold is a word we don't use often anymore except in religious circles or on battlefields. Back in the day of David, Moses, Job and the Apostles, they knew it like we know the word "bunker" today. It's a safe place, or a prison perhaps depending on context.

When scripture uses it, it sometimes refers to a spiritual struggle with demonic connotations- a negative for sure. Often it refers to a sin a person just can't stop no matter how hard they will themselves to, for example.

The Psalms often use it in exactly the opposite way by referring to it as a place of peace.  Because most of us war internally, and not actually on a physical battlefield, I'd like to submit to you that the word "stronghold" can be interchangeable with the phrase "house of thought". Where do my thoughts dwell? What defends my thinking? Where to I run for shelter mentally when I'm afraid? Am I placing myself in prison or in peace?

Friends! I can truly say that for the first time in 41 years, my "stronghold" thoughts bring me peace! Isaiah 26:3 says "You will keep (her) in perfect peace who's mind is fixed on you, because (she) trusts in you." Seriously, my heart has tested this a hundred ways a day in this session of school I'm in, and it is FACT.

10- Blessings and Curses

I told you before this could become it's own blog, and it still might. I have more to dig into concerning the topic, BUT it's very clear to me that words have power. "The tongue holds the power of life and death and those who love it will eats its fruit." Proverbs 18:21

The obvious power can be seen in the motivating or de-motivating of a child or athlete. Clearly how we speak TO a person matters in our relationship with them. What I'm seeing and experiencing is deeper. Come in with me, the water is fine...

What we speak ABOUT a person matters in our relationship with them too- even if they never hear or know about our chosen words... Are you with me? This concept is related closely to the previous "house of thought" concept. The point is: I HEAR what I say about others. I am changed by the words I think and speak, quite literally. Not only that, but my hearers are changed by my words, even if they don't believe them. This works BOTH in the positive and in the negative!

The entire canon of scripture incessantly talks about blessings and curses, by parents over their children, by leaders over their nations, by teachers over their disciples... This matters deeply to Abba and has the power to change families, communities, futures and an entire world. Testing the concept has had mixed results, mostly because it requires training a "thought muscle" that has been used very little before now.

9- Fear

Here's another positive/negative word in scripture. We are told to "fear God, not man" and to "not be afraid". I've told you already about my man-fearing issues and all of us have varying degrees of fearful things we encounter in life.

For me 2018 Fear School started with the fearing God part of the equation. If I worry ONLY about how he views me, and trust his perspective of my sin, guess what? I get changed permanently in the deepest parts of me. In the process of allowing, no- BEGGING- God to know me, expose me and heal me, I have begun to develop a reverence for him that was not taught to me in a healthy way before. I no longer feel the need to jump through anyone's hoops to be "enough" in churchy circles, or social circles, or relationships of any kind. Those people can't see inside me anyway, but God can. Getting exposed before him isn't nearly as scary as I once believed it would be. In the process of fearing him, his position, his authority, his power and his opinion, I have found that he's exceedingly protective and is a master provider! He's also generously teaching me how to access his strength for myself. I now fear NOT being exposed before him first and above all.

Because of the above kind of fear I mentioned above, the other kind of fears are being addressed too. Financial fear? Whatever. Snakes? Meh. Broken relationships? They come and go, but HE is forever. Hungry? Lonely? Insecurity? War? Disapproval? Insufficiency? Addictions? Death? It's all capable of being addressed in the fearing of HIM.

8- Cry

I played with a few words here, but quite frankly "pray" and "ask" seem a little too neat and tidy for what the lesson really looked like. This was more akin to a brutal gym class than a boring lecture hall. Perhaps I should have made it the phrase "cry out" because "weep" is not what I'm getting at here.

The book of Job was one of the earliest chronological lesson books I read. He does a good job describing the sentiment I'm going for. There's almost a violence, an urgency, a desperation to his outcry.

Then there's Israel... this bunch of dummies disobeyed and got themselves in a pickle more times in a month than most climbing toddlers. Aaaaaand then they cried out, aaaaaand the Lord heard, aaaaaand then he rescued them from their self-made predicament. Over and over and over. Charming, right? Except I HATE those kind of perpetual screw-up stories. I just want the lesson learned and a graduation to occur, at least in my own life. They can do what they want, I guess.

The whole desert wandering thing really annoys me these days, BUT this year's read-through of it highlighted the same quality of the good Heavenly Father that David sang about over and over a few hundred years later. It's also the concept that Hagar relied upon back when Abraham and Sarah had their stupid idea to get her pregnant and then later kick her out of the house into a wilderness with an child and not enough food.

The idea is this: In the day of trouble, in that very day, IF we cry out to him, he HEARS. He also SEES. He definitely KNOWS.

He then moves to deliver, protect, sustain, provide for... He answers every, single, cry. He counts every single tossing and collects every single tear. (Psalm 50:15 and 56:8 are a good place to start your own research.)

Friends, I tested it. It's true. His answers are occasionally "shhhhhhh, wait Sweetie, I'm aware"... and then, like Job, my trust is renewed regardless that in some ways I still am sitting in the dirt, in the same anguishing predicament. Then there are days that BAM! I cried out in the morning and the answer was waiting for me after work. His timing is no longer a daily trust issue and for that I am incredibly in awe.

7- Corporate Repentance

You know how when you were in school and you had a substitute there was always the one or two kids that ruined the rest of the week with the real teacher by being disrespectful or disobedient? Or, if you played sports and one or two of your team-mates weren't "all there" for practice so the coach made everyone run the rest of the session? My parents occasionally took away the privileges for all of us if they couldn't find out who the one was that broke the window, or told the lie, or whatever. Yeah. As a rule follower those corporate punishment days used to seriously make me sick to my stomach- and still do.

As I re-read the story of The Exodus and noted Moses' behavior as the ultimate God-fearing rule follower, it bothered me that he was constantly having to answer to Almighty God for the entire group of 600, 000 rule-breaking campers he had been coerced to bring along with him. Oh, and not only did he have to answer, beg and plead on their behalf, but he ALSO got slapped with the extra 39 years of circling in a sandbox as a consequence. Ugh! Why?

Then God started showing me the POWER that comes with agreeing with him for the group's benefit. I started to notice that Moses was also changed by the interactions with his Father on their behalf. His heart was invested, he became a lover of the people, not just a babysitter. It happened again with David after Saul had made unnecessary enemies with some of Israel's neighbors. It happened with Joseph with his disobedient and hateful siblings. It happened with Hosea and his whoring wife... It happens over and over- culminating with Jesus's irrational and merciful trip to the cross to corporately repent and accept the consequences on my behalf. We are promised it will happen for us regarding our nation, family, marriage... if only we will love like that.

So, I may not be the one that put the fire in the substitute teacher's trash can, but I can be the one that makes it right. And maaaayyyyybe when the teacher gets back we won't be writing extra "good behavior" papers for days...

Okay, on that note, I'm going to bed. May the Lord bless you and keep you, and cause his face to shine upon you!

Arizona Desert "Stronghold" Indian Dwelling