Waiting

I woke up suddenly, like it was morning and I was late... but it wasn't and I wasn't.  Maybe my phone buzzed; I checked it- nope.  It confirmed the time: 1:31 AM.  Now, I was wide awake and felt sick.  Headache, tummy ache... oh and heartache.  I'm irritated.  Now I'm going back to sleep, this is stupid.

"Did you do something wrong?"  The voice in my head was clear and familiar.  "NO!"  I closed my eyes again.  I want to be asleep, this is still stupid.  "Did you disobey me?"  "No, I did everything I was supposed to and I didn't do anything extra."  Now I don't care about sleep.  "Well, Collene, do you trust me?"  I might have thought a feeble yes, but the truth is, I'm not sure.

Now it felt urgent that I get out of bed, find my tattered blue notebook, and write.  This time, not for the blog, just for me.  I was being encouraged, mentally I guess, to write my story.  I have this understanding in me that is built on nothing but little flickering thoughts.  I need to write them down.  Is this the part of the assurance of things hoped for... I've been reading about all week?  It doesn't matter, I can't sleep, I'll write.  The clocked approached 3:00.  I have come nowhere near finishing all I remember, but my eyes are so heavy.  My only choice is to trust, hope and wait...

With arms high and heart abandoned 
In awe of the One who gave it all. 
So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

 (Hillsong- The Stand Lyrics)

Now I'm convinced that 1 Corinthians 13:13 is more directly for me. Yes, my week brought me back to the previously avoided/loathed "Love Verses".  This time I wasn't repulsed, but rather, confused.  "Faith" and "Hope" have been the flickering words for this blog twice since November.  "Love" has been a new theme... Now all three are tying together:

^" ...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

I'm not sure I'm ready to put it all together for you here, but I'm positive I'll need the reminder of these things while I wait.  Oh, and also while I'm standing here with my arms high and heart abandoned, waiting, this is my new song.

While I'm Waiting (John Waller):

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord