Thrive

Words bubbling up in my head and heart have not found their sentences yet.  Still I feel like I need to put something on "paper".  This week I have to remember.  God- that silent, urgent, persistent, pursuer, moved here- is still unwrapping this gift for ME...

An urge, turned into action, sparking reciprocation, breaking a dam that had restrained love, forgiveness, understanding and grace.  Now, like a river it moves, getting stronger by the hour, engulfing me and not a moment too soon.

Now, together with my cape and my sidekick, we will face twenty years lost.  Pain beyond belief, flooding further than I had imagined.  Healing comes?  Death at the door.  These emotions are too much, crushing individually, but together they are weaving a tapestry of hope and peace.  It cannot be denied:  This is bigger than me, than us.

He is here. He makes all things new.

The song in my head today: Thrive by Switchfoot...Couldn't have said it better myself:

Been fighting things that I can't see in
Like voices coming from the inside of me and
Like doing things I find hard to believe in
Am I myself or am I dreaming?

I've been awake for an hour or so
Checking for a pulse but I just don't know
Am I a man when I feel like a ghost?
The stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes

No I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
A steering wheel don't mean you can drive
A warm body don't mean I'm alive
No I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
Feels like I travel but I never arrive
I want to thrive not just survive

I come alive when I hear you singing
But lately I haven't been hearing a thing and
I get the feeling that I'm in between
A machine and a man who only looks like me

I try and hide it and not let it show
But deep down inside me I just don't know
Am I a man when I feel like a hoax?
The stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes

I'm always close but I'm never enough
I'm always in line but I'm never in love
I get so down but I won't give up
I get slowed down but I won't give up
...............

I want to thrive not just survive