It was suggested to me Wednesday, that those of us who see God as being either a punishing or a blessing God- depending on our behavior, are exercising a form of superstition. So now we bump up against, perhaps, my most crippling internal narrative: "God loves me when I'm good, but is angry and holds back from me when I'm bad."
Because of my background, I know in a recited-memory-verse kind of way, that this narrative doesn't match up with what the bible says about God through Jesus and His teachings. But as of today, these verses have done nothing to change my internal beliefs for daily operation.
"He makes the sun rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." Matt 5:45
This makes sense to me in broad terms like natural disaster, but somehow, as it pertains to personal application, it hasn't meshed for me...
I am a rule follower. Growing up, the most rebellious thing I did was paint my nails, with T.J. Spehar in the "No Trespassing" labeled abandoned cabin near our house. Both the trespassing and the nail painting was naughty! Dad, for some reason, hated nail polish, and the cabin was falling down and completely unstable. I still have no idea how we didn't get crushed next to that pot bellied stove!
I followed the "rules" when it came to school, dating, even marriage. I had a mental list of do's and don'ts and I checked every single box. I assumed I was in the clear. I was wrong. Devastatingly wrong. The "right thing" didn't save me and in some ways God didn't bless me for being "good". Obviously, I am not asserting that I have lived my whole live without blessings. Three major ones come to mind! But in specific ways I feel let down by God, and I did it "His way". Superstition. Rabbits foot. This week I am starting to see things a little differently...
Week 2 Day 5
So the creation part of my assignment today is going to have to be carried out on my back step, for time's sake. This summer I bought each of the kids a small cactus to care for. They had a fruit fly infestation, so I set them outside in the cool weather to kill the flies. The step is where they are in quarantine. I will confess that I don't remember who's is who's or even what their names are, but that doesn't matter for our purposes today.
All of them are spiky for protection. The one on the left is soft to the touch. As long as you don't brush your fingers upwards, you can even pet it. The one on the right is not soft enough to pet, but is not off putting either. Clearly the cactus in the center has an axe to grind. Maybe the little guy is fearful. He must be expecting the worst.
I'm thinking about bitterness and the power unbridled anger has in a person. I've met a few people like that center cactus. I'm guessing that most of us are more like the one on the right. Guarded, a little sharp at times, but not all-together off putting. What would it be like to live life like the soft one? Approachable, gentle, but still with the ability to protect the heart of myself. With all of my disillusions, hurt, anger and lost hopes, God help me be like that little guy.
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