Single Awareness Day

I'm not much of a Valentine's Day kind of girl, and that's not a bitter ex-wife statement.  My avoidance of the day goes as far back as elementary school and is much like my avoidance of New Year's resolutions.  I really don't like being expected to feel a certain way just because the calendar changes. (That, and I hated trying to creatively design a stupid box for those dumb mini cards every year.)

That being said, I can't say I have completely avoided the nonsense of the topic of love in my thoughts or discussions this year.  In fact, some of the conversations have been pretty priceless, as a friend and I wade through the emotions of her finding out her boyfriend has a fiance.  (Classy man, that one.)  If you can't find away to laugh at that, you just crawl in a hole and die- so we've laughed.  A lot.

I already told you that February is challenging for me in the area of love because separation, divorce and relationship-end anniversaries. Because most of these wounds are relatively fresh, and because I am working pretty hard on putting my mind, heart and soul back together the right way, it's, embarrassingly, inevitable that I girlied up and shed a few tears over the topic this last few weeks.

"They" say that when "it" happens you'll know.  I think my knower has always been broken.  Maybe it's a little like how you're supposed to know when you're in labor.  (Sorry guys, it's the only thing that comes to mind to use as an example.) If you've never had a baby before, EVERY pain/pressure feels like it could be "go time" during that last few weeks.  For me, most of them were uncomfortable, painful, time-able... not it.  The second time around, I knew.  It's not THAT kind of pain, it's a different kind.  Am I digressing here?  Okay, I think my point is made. I think I'm thinking too much and not going with my insticts, or something, but I'm done thinking about it...

So, I'm pretty sure I've loved.  I'm pretty sure someone's loved me.  I'm pretty certain it's never been the same thing at the same time with the same person, the right way...

As usual a song has been in my head for several days... I am convinced I should not be trusted, again, with the giving away of my own heart.  So, I will abandon it completely... for now... to the One who designed it, for someone who deserves it, because I'm learning that He can be trusted..

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you...

I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned

...

My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours

<3<3<3

Oh, and I couldn't help but add this for my sweet friend: